I recently wrote this article for oowomania:
Female friendships can be complicated, crazy as nuts and torturous but at the same time it is necessary and it defines the course of your life. They are your circle of friends that shape your life. It gets more intense with females rather than with males.
Every woman deep down knows the importance of a female friend, and it’s normal, nothing to be ashamed of. It’s not just us, it’s with the celebrities too, after all they are human, and every female needs a female friend. One of the major reason behind this is because Women Understand. When anyone talks about their failures or pain or hardships in life, a man can support in that moment but a woman understands.
When I say female friendships I don’t mean anything sexual (at least in this case), what I mean is a partner, a soul to listen to your rantings and most importantly to listen you and understand with patience. Female friendships are often described as something extraordinary, something that men have not understood in centuries. Remember instances in your life when you had to explain yourself to your female friend, they would be very less. Female friendships often lack judging each other – it’s naturally beautiful.
J.K Rowling, the renowned creator of Harry Potter Series once quoted – “The friends with whom I sat on graduation day have been my friends for life. They are my children’s godparents, the people to whom I’ve been able to turn in times of trouble, friends who have been kind enough not to sue me when I’ve used their names for Death Eaters. At our graduation we were bound by enormous affection, by our shared experience of a time that could never come again, and, of course, by the knowledge that we held certain photographic evidence that would be exceptionally valuable if any of us ran for prime minister.”
Ask yourself what a female friendship means to you and you will get an answer. A friendship break-up with your female friend is sometimes more traumatic than a love affair break-up. I say this from my experience, a personal intense experience. Being a brown girl in the land of white people is often lonely, especially when you are new and you have left all your friends behind. I did that and that’s when I understood the essence and power of female friendship – I miss my girlfriends.
“I had this friend here who was a member of my girl squad back in India. I was happy to be in the same city as her as I knew that I have someone to lay back on. But sometimes even girlfriends fall part and you never know the reasons and when that happened it hurt more than a teenage breakup or a fight with my husband.”
They say that a best way to mend a broken heart is spend some time with your girlfriends, my question is what if you don’t have any around anymore. I miss how they knew that I got my eyebrows done just by looking at my face. They will come at my rescue and I do not need to call them, a simple text message would tell them how I am feeling in that moment. That’s the power of female friendship.
For me United States is a new land of opportunities, I am with the man I love, we have a beautiful house of our own, we will have kids in future, but what I miss is my girlfriends. At 30, in a new country, between multiple races, I don’t know how to make new friends. When I say “make friends” I don’t mean the one that you meet, like and hangout with, I mean the one that you know would come at your rescue even in the middle of the night.
Girlfriends are like partners in our life. They are with us in the different phases of our lives, they move us into the new homes, supports us during a scandal, pull us out of a bad relationships and stay with us through birth and illness. They are right there from the beginning of our adult life till the end.
Female friendships knows no hate. It goes beyond the boundary. I love this girl from Pakistan who I call my best friend. It’s been 4 years I know her and she has truly been there in every step, not physically but spiritually. She was there when I got married, when I wrote my second book, when I had a writer’s block, when I fought with my husband, when I cried, when I wanted to select a dress for a party – everywhere. I can call her at 2 am and she would comfort me when I throw myself the biggest pity party. We have our own ways of making this friendship work. Today, as I write this, it’s her birthday and though we have never met even once in our life, she is important to me and our friendship motivated me to write this article. This is my tribute to Zarfasheen Zia for giving me the experience of our friendship.
Boyfriends and soulmates are great, important, needed and necessary but it’s your girlpals who would kill for a bottle of wine and help you hide three bodies. They would stand with you in all your craziness. I have this friend, Kinjal and I thank her for all the crazy experiences and beautiful memories I made with her by my side. We have had endless discussions on how to start our own business and we did some of the craziest things to jump start our business ideas. Till now we have at least four failed attempts and when I look back it brings the biggest smile on my face. We were young and full of ideas and together we made memories.
All females out there needs to accept their love for their female friends without being ashamed. I blame movies and nasty brainless TV shows for the other way thinking. They often show heroines as a sugar dough cookies with unicorn essence and all other girls as sluts or bitches. Real life is very different than fiction or fantasy which according to me portrays lot of sexism, regressiveness and awful things. Female friends are more like Archie Comics Veronica and Betty, Veronica would do anything for Betty even after liking the same boy. If you are a One Tree Hill fan like me you know the ultimate duo – B. Davis and P. Sawyer.
Also remember who was Meredith’s support system? – It was Cristina Yang. Those are the theories I relate to and sister before mister is my life motto.
So while you read this, raise a toast to your girlfriends and give this article a thought on how it’s shaping you.