Friendship through transition

It happens to me all the time, especially when i am ill or not well i hallucinate, all the things from past keep pounding my head. Today it’s all about struggling to find a silver lining in severed friendship. Have you ever had a disappointing friendship? well, if you ask me i can give a list…people i tried being nice to, we became friends, we became best friends and then i was forgotten. It happens all the time.

I’m able to adjust to many of life’s cruelties with surprising speed. Like most humans, I’m surprised at how quickly something that seems intolerable at first — an injury, a terrible collaborator, an embarrassing rejection — eventually becomes something that I learn to live with, beside, amongst…. I am talking about friends, the constantly changing friends…

As resilient as I experience myself to be in so many situations, as good as I am at drawing a thick silver lining around an otherwise dark moment, there is one particular version of life’s pains that I feel weak and stupid about processing: severed friendships. Throughout my life I’ve had a few very dear friends that either drifted away on an ever more quickly moving river of miscommunication and disappointment, until I couldn’t see them anymore, or vanished in one fell swoop — as if abducted by alien invaders.

When you are lost in the woods, it sometimes takes you a while to realize that you are indeed lost. For the longest time you convince yourself that you have just wandered a few feet off the path, that you’ll find the way back to the trail-head any moment now. Then night falls again and again, and you still have no idea where you are and its now the time to admit that you have bewildered yourself so far off the path that you don’t even know from which direction the sun rises anymore.

I used to think my struggle was with the nature of the first kind of loss. I’m someone who craves resolution. I like to know what’s expected of me and I like to show up and I like to have clarity. I want everyone to have the same story about something, especially if I’m involved.

When I’ve had good friends that drifted away into a fog of time and space and words left unspoken, I’ve been hurt, but I always reasoned that part of my hurt was really frustration with the lack of clarity. If only we had just had the courage to face one another like grown women and made a mutual decision that the relationship no longer served us.

I think I’m so bad at letting friendships go… because it feels injurious to me to stop loving someone once I have started, like I’m cutting off a limb, and yet blood will just keep flowing in that direction.

 I’ve also had friends that drifted out into the fog, only to appear years later. They’ve got new haircuts and scars, new partners and careers, and yet here they are: their essence intact, their quirks as familiar to me as if we haven’t spent a day apart. So I understand that even in the seemingly finite there is no trustworthy resolution. It gives me some solace — this not really ever knowing, even as I also sort of hate the fact that all human relationships resist reliable conclusion. Even death proves to be an unreliable end; so many of us keep wrestling with our dead long after they’ve technically left.

27 thoughts on “Friendship through transition

  1. Sadly, it seems that real personal relationships are being replaced more and more with virtual ones at the tips of our fingers. It’s almost like people aren’t vested in relationships anymore, but want to be “known” or “famous through follower counts.” I just shake my head some days. You aren’t the only one frustrated at how others just “disappear” and reappear like it was just yesterday and nothings changed. People have evolved into social media “legends in their own minds.” Sadly.

    1. But the sad fact is that virtual ones are sometimes nore reliable than the ones you know since a long time. You are right about people being evolved. I feel everyone is changing amd world is getting more and more selfish. The compassion is somewhat left behind

      1. Sadly, I must agree with you on that. When I drop in at a café or restaurant, I see so many people on their devices and ignoring the person across the table with them. Makes me want to find the WiFi router and unplug it to watch the chaos………….. We have a “no device during meals” rule. If the guilty one doesn’t listen or read my lips, I’ll turn off router switch and change password so I get their attention and everyone has to log in again, with Dad’s permission. Maybe mean, but I’ve only had to do it twice last year. I may start carrying a mini-signal jammer with me into town, who’d suspect an older bearded gentleman with Kiddies tagging along????????

  2. What can I say, Kruti? Yes… that happens to all of us I guess. But why ever, it sometimes is because of those “friends” they only sound nice on the surface but when the feel an obligation to stand tall for what they said, they disappear into the fog, no responds, silence, and leaving us pondering why…

      1. I know, Kruti… been there too. We know what we mean and we take the other person serious. But sometimes the real person shows up when we actually take them by the word.

  3. Don’t beat yourself up, some friendships may be meant to be transitory. I know it hurts when one invests a lot of trust in a friend and it’s difficult to understand when that trust has been breached.
    Life is too short, I don’t know when my time will come, I don’t even buy green bananas now!

  4. You captured it pretty well here. When I was young, like a University student or just starting life on my own, it was the alien abduction type. Since then there is just the drifting apart. Best friends slowly fade into the mist, shared times become memories. Unfortunately I think that’s life. It can be painful, even very painful.

      1. Toughen up woman!
        You´re too sweet, each one as it is. You do think too much and want to live in a perfect world wich is never going to happen so no wonder you are constantly dissapointed on things, humanity e.t.c.
        Although I do find it sexy 😉
        love ya, I´ll try to see if I can manage to do your prompt.

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