Ramblings from a lost day 

There are some days that are so blank that even the word “void” feels like atleast it has something but these days are blank beyond that. 

She gave away a piece of herself to everyone she met, never claiming it back yet someone decided to throw a piece back at her. 

Does it make sense?? No right? Exactly! I dont have the words to put these feelings right there in an understandable format.

For a new found girl i really like and care for 

You tell me that you wish I wrote this for you. You ask me if there is any way that you’ll be loved the way I love him. You cry to me telling yourself that that you want him more than anything else you have even when in some corner of your mind, you know he doesn’t want you. You feel that at certain times the limbo becomes so numbing, that even in a crowd full of people on a train, in a bar, amidst the road, in your office or even in the walls of your own house, you feel possessed by the longing and desire of loving someone.

The thoughts keep churning inside. The carousel doesn’t stop turning.The turmoil is too wrenching, the thoughts of nothingness keep trashing into the front of my mind like gigantic waves. If I can put a finger on the source, just find that one small reason for all the hurt, I can put an end to it all. But the reason keeps eluding me, yet gnawing up my insides.

  
        It took a humongous amount of strength to do my daily chores. Hobbies seemed hollow; and meaningless. The walk to the station, the long train journey to work, work itself, seemed like punishment; a punishment for no crime done.

         It bothers me to think of unhappiness when I have no reason to be so. I look down upon myself for not being happy when the world is convinced that I have everything one would need for happiness. I cannot argue, I have nothing to defend myself..

        It is a Christmas Day, one of those days in a week which can’t find a spot. It always seemed like an unwanted addition to an already insignificant life. There is a constant buzz in my head. It makes my head heavy, the outside noise doesn’t quite reach my mind, it seems to fall down somewhere in the vacuum. I know that I have to reach home. If only the clock didn’t seem to have stalled in eternity, if only people don’t talk all at once. In my head, I am running; Running for my life; Running from the world.

      The sound of the keys turning never felt so soothing, the feeling of home never so strong. And there, in the middle of an unwanted day in an insignificant life I find my peace, one tear at a time.

                    You need to make a choice and take a stand

Grow up. That was yesterday. But he is a guy and all they do is leave. Haven’t you seen it in people around you and heard of it? The fact remains that he cheated on you, right after confessing his profound desire to get married to you. And when you turn him down, he walks in to his ex and orders two orgasm on the rocks?. He chose to go to his ex and feel her up, close and personal. What part of that are you not accepting? Look at me. Look what you are doing to me. What if he hurts you again and again? Cuz there is no guarantee that he won’t. Stop making a fool out of yourself.

Maybe my heart has frozen because he tried too hard to light the burning flame in me. He dared to stab me with that one thing that I never believed in – Commitment.

But that is how they are programmed, honey! When everything is perfect; they screw it all up and shit all over it.

I want to put an end to this. This is hurting. I am scared. Scared to choose, scared to receive his call, scared to even think about a choice. I feel like I need to escape,

Sweety, you have held on so strongly. Don’t even try to become a forlorn ghost. It’s not that you’re not going to be hurt; but the pain you feel will never compare to the lament that comes fromnot being able to raise your voice.
So what are you saying that I should do?

– To the new found friend 🙂 with love 

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28 thoughts on “Ramblings from a lost day 

  1. Wow… that sounds very familiar to me…. An amazing description I was looking for when I felt like that: “even the word “void” feels like atleast it has something”
    There are times when we need to get emptied completely in order to clear everything out and make room for something completely new which only has room when everything else is gone. This “something new” can only be seen and treasured the way it is supposed to after this pain and emptyness.
    Not just empty words…. but deeply experienced!

    1. Yeah! M having one such day and i met this girl whom i was made to hate but we spoke accidently and she turned out total opposite of what i believed and u know that filling ….. Of being guilty for cursing that person when she was not even a single percent at fault

      1. Yes…. I understand what you mean.It is giving me goose bumps right now. But you know what? That insight, that change in perception, that “accidential” talk…… that’s Christmas! Don’t feel guilty, feel happy to have clarified this misunderstanding. Your post is amazing!

      1. Hmm where do you do your freelance writing and social media presence out of? I had two bosses I helped so much with all their messes and they still acted like people nobody would wish to work for.

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